- Title: An Ocean of Grey
- Author: Kamalia Hasni
- Publisher: Meraki Press
- Release date: April 21st 2018
- Pages: 159
I could find peace
in an ocean
of all the shades
of the colour grey
An Ocean of Grey by Kamalia Hasni explores the pain and aftermath of a love that was promised a forever but had ended too soon. The collection of poetry and prose also includes beautiful illustrations by the author’s friends who had helped her through her healing.
Give a woman love and hope, and she might just write a book on you. It’s up to you though – on whether it would be about her happiness, or grief.
An Ocean of Grey is a poetry book written by my dear friend, Kamalia Hasni aka Malie, and it is the very first book published by her and two of my other friends – Adora and Nabilah – under Meraki Press. I’ve been following their publishing journey for some time now so it is truly exciting and inspiring to see all of it finally coming together.
Breaking up, losing love, having our souls crushed – synonyms of experiencing life at its most fundamental. We put our hearts out there to only have it torn. But yet, we continue doing so, never to give up on finding love again. We are all broken pieces of happy memories, laughters, shared dreams, hope – yes, hope – to love and be loved by a person who would choose us, over and over again. We keep this little spark of faith in our hearts, not wanting to show the world our vulnerabilities.
Malie, on the other hand, has chosen to pen it all on paper. All in this book, jewel, we now have in our hands. Her experience of heartbreak, healing and loving herself again. We call it – raw, real, bare.
We call it – An Ocean of Grey.
I just want to go back to the moment I let my guard down, the moment I had let the walls crumble. I want to hold the bricks in place, every last piece. I want to warn the fragile flesh within those walls that they will bleed, and it is not worth it.
I can feel the depth of her words, thoughts in every page. Each piece is accompanied by a beautiful illustration and titles of songs which capture the mood she was in, and what she felt at that very moment. A lot of thought and effort was put into ensuring the reader could take it all in, one memory at a time, one event at a time. I can feel her emotions, and empathise on her struggles. It was all so relatable, so if you are going through or have gone through such love and lost, it will remind you that we broken souls are not that much different after all. But we are still fighting today, we are still doing all we can to be the best versions of ourselves.
Maybe Love isn’t a person, or even a feeling. Maybe Love is its own element, its own creature floating in the hearts of the souls we fall in love with. Maybe when the people leave us, it’s actually the very same Love leaving that person’s body, going off to search for a better home to settle in.
Maybe when we finally fall in love again with someone new, that familiarity is Love, and when Love finally finds its long-lost home, the true one, it is also Love telling you after so many wrongly encountered souls, “This one. It’s this one.”
So don’t look for the person and instead go look for Love, because sometimes, the person isn’t the home Love was meant to live in.
An honest account yet emotional roller coaster – that’s what you have gifted the world, Malie. But like all crazy roller coasters, it comes to an end eventually. We then work our way to heal completely, we will then love again. There is a piece in the book which is divided into 3 parts on what Malie felt she should have said when her relationship ended – sampai hati. It appears at the beginning, mid-book and towards the end. Within this piece alone, you can witness her 3 different stages of healing, and since I generally love clever ties, connectivity within a story, I thought this perfectly summed the book – making it feel complete and whole.
Thank you for sharing with us this piece of your heart, Malie. I will certainly treasure this book as proof that no matter what people say, no matter the hurt, there is still love out there. One day, one day, we would find it with the right one.
Because someday, somebody will fall in love with me again, and I will love them because I have so much love in me to offer, and we might fight, we might go through many downs, but someday, somebody will not walk away.
Nobody would walk away from the best version of me.
Rating: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★